Confessions of a Leader

We are about 7 weeks away from embarking on this glorious journey. My heart is beyond excited and I can barely contain my joy. I cannot wait to have my feet touch that red African dirt and to see the beautiful smiles of strangers.  Africa won my heart many years ago, and I am going back to visit that part of me. It is truly exuberating and renders me to wake up motivated every day and thinking “one day closer”.

Yet, with this joy there has been struggle- the struggle to digest the undertaking and the leadership..  the impact and the ripple effect. I am a thinker, so I like to analyze and think about all of the outcomes. I love the African people and my team so much that as a Communication major, I am trying to figure out the dynamics between the two. How will they interact? How will the team absorb the information? How can I be the best facilitator, while my team has this cross cultural experience? These are just some of the things that keep me awake at night. Mostly, because I have come to the conclusion that I will not have to the answers to all of these. That is where faith comes into play. I am walking in faith that God will provide those answers when needed. I think being in college for so long has made me loose a bit of that childlike faith and morphed me into an intellectual. (Which isn't a bad thing… but all of life does not have to make sense). I think it is important to recognize that this trip is stretching me mentally, relationally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I think often times leaders never confess how hard of a job it is to lead, but by GOLLY it is tough. I know that God chose me for this, which makes tough days easier. Yet, I still feel like Peter walking out on the water to meet Jesus (Matthew 14:22-33). Some days, I lose sight of Jesus and start to sink into the water. I let the stress, anxiety, and sheer overwhelming task take over. I lose my "faith" and doubt if I can really do this. I do not keep my eyes on the goal- on my savior, my Jesus. Yet every single time, he is there to pick up me. He reaches down from on high and takes hold of me and he draws me out of deep waters.

I know that following Jesus does not mean that I have to be qualified or that it will simple. In fact, following Jesus means dropping everything and reorienting my entire life. He is calling me and I must respond to this journey. It is my goal to be with him and to show others his love. Even if that means, just feeding them and giving them clean water. I may not have all it takes, but He will equip me for all things. This is what I whole heartly believe.  

So I leave you with this. My prayer for me, my team, and Tanzania. 

Please continue to pray for: finances for my team, unity, trip preparation, conflict, stress, and the lives of the people we will encounter in Tanzania.